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PastPoop7/9/2003-Hitler Youths In Jogging Suits...Smiley Band Around their Arms...Although Highpulp`s last piece wasn\\\'t about the Boy Scouts, Webelos, or even Cub Scouts, he aroused long simmered despisals of the BSA and all it is. Sure, his article was about dumbass jr. high kids, but the pics called forth some long dormant demons. Yes, My rememberances of this forsaken time of my childhood were dark indeed. However, the true significance of their meaning was not fully realized to me until I reached adulthood and found similiar parallels of the BSA with certain other nefarious organizations throughout history.I`m uncertain of the origins of the BSA, but I\\\'m sure they meant well. Hell even Lenin and the Spanish Inquisitors meant well. But as the previous analogies emphasized the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. In the lovely summer of 1987, I was introduced to the Cub Scouts. My father wanted a positive outlet for my pyrotechnic and vandalistic tendencies. He asked if I wanted to join a group like YMCA or Cub Scouts and be involved. Naturally at ten years of age, I replied that I wanted to be a Jedi Knight, or a Decepticon. After a tongue lashing about my lack of realism, he forced me into some troop whose name I have forgotten, and some den whose number is further still from my memory. I was not pleased. I wanted to pound on the Sith with my lightsaber or crush Autobots with my wicked skills, not help some old bitch cross a fucking street with her limp dick chiuhuahua. I was thinking about the fate of the universe, my father just wanted me away from home on Saturdays. My introduction was not a happy one. We were paraded like prize shetlands in front of every fucking den in the greater South Seattle area. None of my den had any kick ass badges or medals, and I felt like a dumbass standing around the rest of the Hitler Youth who were bedecked in resplendant uniform like Field Marshall Goering circa 1940. After we introduced ourselves and shit our pants stepping up to a mic glaring over a field of soccer moms and alcoholic fathers, not to mention the rest of our fellow stormtroopers, we were forced into `introductory class.` This as we know is better known as `Sunday School with Goebbels.` We were herded over to an adjoining building that was the BSA propaganda ministry. There we were met by, get this, saluting Eagle Scouts. After passing the line of those S.S. wannabes, we entered a huge auditorium. There after listening to some sausage necked BSA and Eagle Scout robots, as well as the local Gauletier, I mean the Troop Leader, we were handed our copy of Mein Kampf...The BSA guidebook..our training manuals. We were then sent to shoot the shit with our den leaders, and then went home to begin our new lives as scouts. You see? Even the structure of the BSA is militant like the Hitler Youth. But remember, these are the foundations for decent democratic citizens. Sure, maybe the BSA was founded first, but you\\\'d think they\\\'d change their structure post Hitler. Anyway, on with the story... After several weeks of being indoctrinated with how to be a do gooder and what rules we follow, we finally got to the only good shit...merit badges. Unfortunately most of this revolved around learning some survival shit or pimp selling some cheesy ass BSA crap to grocery store patrons. After four or five hours of `Fuck off you little faggot` I went home and was the only one in my den not to get the first merit badge. I did eventually earn some but I was dead ass last in my den because I refused to learn knot tying, which is funny cause my old man taught it. He also taught the hiking merit segment too, but when we did it, I paid another kid to carry my pack while I stayed toward the back reading comics. Anyway I was eventually promoted to Webelos, which as we know is the the jackass rank of the Scouts. That\\\'s where I dropped out. Right before taking the oath to become full fledged to become Boy Scouts, I purposely flunked the tests in the books by answering questions with dipshit answers that made Corky Thatcher look like Edison. Watching some fatass in with bulging belly in strained uniform with his ridiculous sash, leading marches of fellow monkjacks is comedy without parallel. I was even reprimanded once during a promotion for laughing at a stuttering lump of kid taking the oath of Eagle Scout. But the symmetry with dictatorship youth groups isn`t the only funny thing here. The fact that only dorks and retards, yes including me, end up in these dens of social outcasts is fucking hilarious. Ah well, God doesn\\\'t love them anyway. As you see there\\\'s no point to this piece of shit other than to point out the dangers of scouting. It breeds fascist tendencies and life long virginity. It was also a great outlet for me to make fun of an institution that ruined my Saturday slack, and catapulted me into the ranks of the rejected. Until next time I remain..... -Insidious_T |
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